Day 4: More Praise for the Beach

"What kind of a wuss gulf only goes a mile deep?" ~Eric

Her Inner Peter Pan Wants Out

"Because I get shorter ... And I want to fly." ~Jessica, explaining why gravity is something she fears

Day 1 of Beach Vacation

"Enough of this saltwater air. It's too sticky." ~Eric

How Ballsy Is It?

"That's ballsier than white cloth napkins at a barbecue restaurant." ~Eric

I Hope We're Talking About Gardening

"My days as a hoer are over." ~Bettye, 70-something

Why Katie's Parents Won't Attend the Wedding

"Number one, they're Catholic. Number two, he's a freak." ~Holly

Awesomeness Begins Early

"My mom breast-fed us. That's why I'm so awesome now." ~Jessica

O'er the Land of the Republicans

"Welcome to the red state of Alabama." --Mary Beth, hearing the national anthem on the plane the instant we landed in AL

Shh...I Don't Think She Knows Yet

Me: I think Sophia's ADD.
Adam: I think she's a housecat.

Some Horn-Rimmed Glasses Should Do It

"If you can't be gorgeous, the second best is edgy." ~Alice

Unless You're Tommy Lee

"If you can't stay sober for a 24-hour period, you're going to have academic difficulty." ~Ashley

And He Cuts the Grass Too

"You live with a live concert." ~Ashley

Family Trees 101

"Your father is your mother's husband." ~Amanda

You Say Potato

"The Sane River? Is that the same as the Seine?" ~GaGa

Damn Glass Ceiling

"I have boobs. Therefore I cannot chop a ham." ~Ashley

Forget the Food Pyramid

"All your body wants is prune juice." ~Nelson

Just Admit It, You Jammed

"I wouldn't say I 'jammed' with the guitarist from Dead Cell Factor. But I was there; he was there; licks were traded." ~Floyd

He Got an A in Deductive Logic

"It's going to be me or him. And if the other guy has a gun, it's probably going to be me." ~Eric

Oh, That's How It Works

"It's Valentine's Day. You have to love me." ~Natalie

Our Sweet, White Amanda

"Wipe that honky-ass smile off your face and get us the hell out of here." ~Amanda

Metaphors Are More Effective When Mixed

"I would have sprung a leap." ~Natalie

They Don't Teach Personal Finance at Doper School

"Dopers all got hot tubs. They don't have any sense, you see, but they all got hot tubs." ~The Mickster

Hippie-Watching at the DBT show

"I can tell by her boyfriend's shorts she's not a real hippie." ~Eric

Change Your Hair, Change Your Life

"Given the right haircut, I could rock." ~Mark

The Numbers...They Don't Add Up

Me: Dinner's ready.
Eric, half asleep: How can it be ready if I haven't even fixed it yet?