What Meat Loaf Was Referring To

I would do anything for you—except talk to those motherfuckers at Mortgage Bank. —Eric

More Cowbell

Me: What are you doing to your exhaust?
Blake: Trying to make it sound like a Porsche.
Me: [side eye] Are you trying to make a loud car?
Blake: It's not loud...um...it's tuned. When you see what I create, you'll understand.

No Axes Allowed

Bobbi: Mike, we're having the lumberjack party here.

Mike: Those fuckers aren't coming in my house, though. 

OK, In the Ear

"If you can put that in your vagina, then surely I can put it her ear." —Sommer

Blake on Couples Therapy

"There are two sides to every story: black, white, and gray."

I'm a Gemini

Me: I'm going to make my New Year's tradition to do nothing.
Blake: You were just talking about cleaning out the house.

He's Way Ahead of Me

Me: How many firearms do you think are in the building?
Blake: Twelve.

Sympathy Cards from the Coroner

What do they say? He was beautiful inside and out?—Laura

She Doth Protest Too Much

Mark: Laura used to put her birds in the freezer.
Laura: That's a lie.

Spring Break!

Me: We're so nerdy. We're folding our clothes.
Blake: That's the reality. We can't be out of sorts.