Second Marriage Wish List

“Maybe you'll find someone just like me, but who likes camping.” —Eric

The Answer Is 42

“I've had a big dog before. It's not the answer.” —Blake

Planet Earth: Rainforest vs. Arctic

“Your stick's dirty? I'm sorry—I'm keeping my baby alive with my fat rolls.” —Sarah

Tales from Mount Laurel

“He's the only guy I know to ride a horse to Area 41. Then his wife's implants were inflamed and he had to go home and care for her.” —Bailey

Get in Your Place, Bass

“It's not all about the bass. It's about rock and roll. But bass is good.” —Blake

On a Pedestal

Me: I used to play with those when I was a baby.
Blake: All the best things in life, you probably used to play with.

Blake on The Walking Dead

It's what could really happen, zombie-wise.

No, Please, Keep Talking

Loud drunk girl: The Grammys are made out of their own special element called Grammium and they had to make a place for it on the elemental table.
Bartender: Shhhh

Moving Day

Me: This bed has been moved so many times.

Eric: You'd think it would know how to get ready on its own. 

Eric on the GoPro

A GoPro is something you wear on your helmet so you have your bike wreck for YouTube.

iAnxiety

Where is the Cloud? Who's got our stuff? Nobody works at the Cloud. --Laura

The Game of Life

They were getting married and divorced, and I was like, where are your morals? —Laura

You Can Take the Girl Out of Butler...

Your thang just danged. —Sommer

Charter Bus Challenges

Everyone knows you can't put your wife in the bay. —Mark

Entitled Buttmunchers

We spent $400 on ribs that night. We said fuck it, we'll sleep in the truck. —Snable

It's a Logistics Problem

I have two kids. I don't hang out at the Plaza at 3 a.m. That's why I don't see B. Dyer anymore. —Snable

Schizotarian

The voices in my head eat meat. —Laura

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

"She was like, I bet you can be lots of fun, and I was like, yeah I'm tons of fun." —Eric

Movie Trivia, Mike Todd Edition

"What's that one about the dolphin that keeps coming up?" —Mike

If You Want to Split Hairs

Verne: He tries to get to the 20, and he does.

Eric: He tried to get to the end zone. 

We'd Have Done It Right the First Time

Me: "Right after I cooked that Buffalo chicken casserole I found a better recipe."

Eric: "Oh no. If we didn't have regrets, what would we have?"

Well, Yeah

"So I didn't want to go in the well because I get claustrophobic, and Randy didn't want to go down because he had better shit to do." —Leigh

It Takes All Types

"Why doesn't he shower?"
"He's different. He's a forager."

Marriage

Eric: What's the most annoying thing I do?

Me: Trying to talk to me when I'm leaving the room. What's the most annoying thing I do?

Eric: Leaving the room when I'm talking to you. 

Honest Mother

"I'm sorry you're sick. But at least you're quiet." —Sommer