The Man Does Not Snack. And I'm the Weird One?

Me: Wouldn't it be cool if humans had pouches like kangaroos?
Eric: You'd just keep snack food in yours.
_____

Eric: Lord have mercy on your after-hours colon.

And Let's Hope You Didn't Procreate First

"People think 'I don't think it will happen to me. I've driven tired plenty of times and not had an accident.' The difficulty with that particular argument is that you usually only have one fatigue-related accident and then you are removed from the gene pool." --straightfaced British guy on sleep deprivation documentary

(Game Night Craziness!)

"The real bitch of it was everyone thought I was a calculator. I have an antenna!" ~Erin

"Just because I have a pool doesn't mean it's a sex pool." ~Anna

"You're not having a good time without Kohler. K-O-H-L-E-R." ~Anna

Adventures in Puerto Rico

"We bit off more than we could chew. But we washed it down with some rum punch." ~Eric

"Alabama? Really? You don't sound hick." ~waitress at roadside restaurant

Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge

"Life would be so much easier for you if you lived in reality. Your life is a constant episode of Scrubs." ~Eric

Quotable Unclutterer Commenter (Say It Fast)

"Vegetable juice? Yuck. I just uncluttered my stomach thinking about it." ~Michael, on Unclutterer.com

King of the Road

Eric B: Mark, you're all over the road.
Mark: It's my road.

A Laser Pointer Isn't One of Them

"I bring plenty of things to dinner that I don't play with at the table." ~Eric

You Have To Spell Things Out for Some People

"You cannot become Dennis Rodman." ~my mom, to Nelson

Freeze-Out at the Disco

"I love winter, but 12 degrees is for Panic at the Disco fans." ~Eric

The Complicated Thought Process of a Network Engineer

"I would think you're joking, except that I'm pretty sure you're serious." ~Eric

My Thoughts Exactly

"Why are some cats softer than others? Is it possible I have the softest cat in the world?" ~question sent in to Slate.com's Explainer

Gold, Frankincense, and Futuristic Technology

Me (listening to "Sleigh Ride"): Do you ever wonder what Christmas used to be like to make people want to write songs like this?
Eric: No. I guess I just assumed they'd always been there. Like when they opened the box that came with Jesus, there were a couple of CDs in there.

Excusable, If He Weren't Parked at Home Depot

"That's the parking job of a man whose wife is in labor and he has to get parked before the head pops out." ~Eric

Ironically, It's Probably the One Thing He Won't Get

"All I want for Christmas is some shame." ~Eric

Lots of Fun With Pictionary

"Fart is equal to smocking. I mean, come on." ~Betsy

Keeping Dion in the Dark: Priceless

"It doesn't have a pricetag on it. How do I know how much to love you now?" ~Dion

Mini-mosity

"To me, this is the fun size. Those little ones, those aren't fun." ~Holly, holding up the "real" fun size 3 Musketeers

I Love CBS Football

"If you're a connoisseur of turnovers, today is your day."~-Verne Lundquist

Our Superstore Is Superer Than Your Superstore

Adam: Their Wal-Mart isn't even an updated Wal-Mart.

Love? I Don't Know About That

Me: OK, I'll just sit here and be boring.
Eric: Finally, the Kate I know and love.

How Can Mashed Potatoes Ever Be Wrong?

Eric: What are you going to cook with that?
Me: Mashed potatoes?
Eric: You just went the wrong way on the delicious scale.

The Accidental Postmodernist

"I seem to have created a postmodern pagan death punk living space." ~Nelson

A Man's Take on Fear-Inducing Power Tools

"I'd take that two-cycle chainsaw and make it a four-cycle and add a catalytic converter." --Eric

I Need a Bed, He Needs an Audience

"I don't know what it is about four beers, but after four, I need a guitar." ~Eric