Word Problems Are for Girls

Mason, age 10: Can you have an uncle that's the same age as you?
Brittany (Mason's mom): Well, if something happened to me someday and your dad got remarried and they had a son, that would be your brother. And then if you had a son around the same time, your little brother would be your son's uncle, even though they're the same age.
Mason: I don't get chick math.

InLawsStormOrphansJakeBrake-oustic

Eric: Well, we haven't played in awhile, and I usually can remember the words better when it's been a long time since we played.
Tanner: God you're such an artist, Eric.
_____

Me: I didn't even feel like drinking tonight.
Eric: Me neither. The only reason I did is because I don't trust the water at the Nick.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

"I find myself wanting more and more to ride the troll train again." ~Eric

That's Enough, Hoobastank.

(listening to "The Reason" at a restaurant)

Eric: I can't take it anymore.
Me: Just a few more seconds. It's almost over.
Eric: No it's not. The drums start up again right here. They make you think it's over. But no. They rock you even harder.

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

"To find out Santa doesn't exist, that's one thing. But he drives a Dodge Demon??" ~Geoff

Day 4: More Praise for the Beach

"What kind of a wuss gulf only goes a mile deep?" ~Eric

Her Inner Peter Pan Wants Out

"Because I get shorter ... And I want to fly." ~Jessica, explaining why gravity is something she fears

Day 1 of Beach Vacation

"Enough of this saltwater air. It's too sticky." ~Eric

How Ballsy Is It?

"That's ballsier than white cloth napkins at a barbecue restaurant." ~Eric

I Hope We're Talking About Gardening

"My days as a hoer are over." ~Bettye, 70-something

Why Katie's Parents Won't Attend the Wedding

"Number one, they're Catholic. Number two, he's a freak." ~Holly

Awesomeness Begins Early

"My mom breast-fed us. That's why I'm so awesome now." ~Jessica

O'er the Land of the Republicans

"Welcome to the red state of Alabama." --Mary Beth, hearing the national anthem on the plane the instant we landed in AL

Shh...I Don't Think She Knows Yet

Me: I think Sophia's ADD.
Adam: I think she's a housecat.

Some Horn-Rimmed Glasses Should Do It

"If you can't be gorgeous, the second best is edgy." ~Alice

Unless You're Tommy Lee

"If you can't stay sober for a 24-hour period, you're going to have academic difficulty." ~Ashley

And He Cuts the Grass Too

"You live with a live concert." ~Ashley

Family Trees 101

"Your father is your mother's husband." ~Amanda

You Say Potato

"The Sane River? Is that the same as the Seine?" ~GaGa

Damn Glass Ceiling

"I have boobs. Therefore I cannot chop a ham." ~Ashley

Forget the Food Pyramid

"All your body wants is prune juice." ~Nelson

Just Admit It, You Jammed

"I wouldn't say I 'jammed' with the guitarist from Dead Cell Factor. But I was there; he was there; licks were traded." ~Floyd

He Got an A in Deductive Logic

"It's going to be me or him. And if the other guy has a gun, it's probably going to be me." ~Eric

Oh, That's How It Works

"It's Valentine's Day. You have to love me." ~Natalie

Our Sweet, White Amanda

"Wipe that honky-ass smile off your face and get us the hell out of here." ~Amanda