Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge

"Life would be so much easier for you if you lived in reality. Your life is a constant episode of Scrubs." ~Eric

Quotable Unclutterer Commenter (Say It Fast)

"Vegetable juice? Yuck. I just uncluttered my stomach thinking about it." ~Michael, on Unclutterer.com

King of the Road

Eric B: Mark, you're all over the road.
Mark: It's my road.

A Laser Pointer Isn't One of Them

"I bring plenty of things to dinner that I don't play with at the table." ~Eric

You Have To Spell Things Out for Some People

"You cannot become Dennis Rodman." ~my mom, to Nelson

Freeze-Out at the Disco

"I love winter, but 12 degrees is for Panic at the Disco fans." ~Eric

The Complicated Thought Process of a Network Engineer

"I would think you're joking, except that I'm pretty sure you're serious." ~Eric

My Thoughts Exactly

"Why are some cats softer than others? Is it possible I have the softest cat in the world?" ~question sent in to Slate.com's Explainer

Gold, Frankincense, and Futuristic Technology

Me (listening to "Sleigh Ride"): Do you ever wonder what Christmas used to be like to make people want to write songs like this?
Eric: No. I guess I just assumed they'd always been there. Like when they opened the box that came with Jesus, there were a couple of CDs in there.

Excusable, If He Weren't Parked at Home Depot

"That's the parking job of a man whose wife is in labor and he has to get parked before the head pops out." ~Eric

Ironically, It's Probably the One Thing He Won't Get

"All I want for Christmas is some shame." ~Eric

Lots of Fun With Pictionary

"Fart is equal to smocking. I mean, come on." ~Betsy

Keeping Dion in the Dark: Priceless

"It doesn't have a pricetag on it. How do I know how much to love you now?" ~Dion

Mini-mosity

"To me, this is the fun size. Those little ones, those aren't fun." ~Holly, holding up the "real" fun size 3 Musketeers

I Love CBS Football

"If you're a connoisseur of turnovers, today is your day."~-Verne Lundquist

Our Superstore Is Superer Than Your Superstore

Adam: Their Wal-Mart isn't even an updated Wal-Mart.

Love? I Don't Know About That

Me: OK, I'll just sit here and be boring.
Eric: Finally, the Kate I know and love.

How Can Mashed Potatoes Ever Be Wrong?

Eric: What are you going to cook with that?
Me: Mashed potatoes?
Eric: You just went the wrong way on the delicious scale.

The Accidental Postmodernist

"I seem to have created a postmodern pagan death punk living space." ~Nelson

A Man's Take on Fear-Inducing Power Tools

"I'd take that two-cycle chainsaw and make it a four-cycle and add a catalytic converter." --Eric

I Need a Bed, He Needs an Audience

"I don't know what it is about four beers, but after four, I need a guitar." ~Eric

What You Talkin' About, Willis?

"You think with your face." ~Eric

Recession Hits High School Pranksters

Adam: They left a note on a teacher's car saying that they were going to blow it up.
Eric: What ever happened to eggs and toilet paper?
Adam: Those things are expensive these days.

All My Decorating Dilemmas Solved

Mickey: What you need to do is get some of those shelves you put whatnots on.
Me: I'm not a big fan of whatnots.
Mickey: Well, put something else there, then. I don't know, erotica?

Charm...Attack

Eric: What are you doing?
Me: Cooking ramen and playing with my paint.
Eric: I love that you're so honest with me...and you're kind of a Saturday Night Live skit.